she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
