I CAN MOONWALK!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
