my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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