Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
