dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
