I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
