a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she peed on how many people?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
