you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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