i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
