note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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