The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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