just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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