I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize