brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
