I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
