Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
