i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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