I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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