Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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