the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
