the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
