community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
