Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
