i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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