I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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