GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
