definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
