I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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