it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
