Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
