Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
