Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
