Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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