yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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