he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
