Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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