I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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