Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
