i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
