I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
