I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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