um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
