i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
