guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
