I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
