dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she smelled like a LAN party
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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