Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
