I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
