so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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