Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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