ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
