If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
