Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize