His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
