i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
