I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
