i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
