I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
