Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
