somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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