I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
