Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
