I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
