someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
