i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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