Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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