You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
