dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
