You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
