And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Holy sore nipples Batman
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
